Babies and Showers and Babyshowers

Babies are EVERYWHERE! Yesterday I went to a baby shower. First off let me say that I love children and babies. Second let me say, I can't stand baby showers. Maybe when I'm a mom or about to be, I'll get it. But until then...

If its a girl, everyone buys you pink. If its a boy, everyone buys baby blue. WTF? I guess thats why its called baby blue. But why then, is light pink not called baby pink?

But really, how much pink can one tolerate?

Maybe It was because I wasn't dressed all girly. Maybe its because my mother kept me in gender neutral colors like red, yellow, green, and white and blue, real blue. And maybe in turn people never treated me like a little girly girl. Maybe the color palette of my childhood has dictated my life.

Baby showers are uncomfortable for different reasons. I'm sure not all baby showers are like this, nor are all the future baby showers going to be the same. But until now, they have all been extremely wierd.

This last one, there were all these girls with kids. I say girls, because I am the same age, yet I have no children nor am I married. But really they are women and mommies. And then there are the old moms and/or spinsters that are there to celebrate this wonderful new/recycled person into the brand new/old world.

With baby showers, there has never been alcohol that I've seen and I'm not a big drinker. Actually, I have an incredibly low tolerance due to both sides of my family having the lamest tolerance ever. But like weddings, I think alcohol might liven things up a bit and relax everyone from the very stressful thing we call future motherhood.

I most certainly want children. I most certainly love children and hope one day I will have beautiful toehead babies with a wonderful man. But I will never be that mother- The one with the little girl all in frills and pink. Unless she wants it.

One day babies turn into children and decide they want to wear a tutu and cowboy boots with a snorkle mast to preschool. And you know what, I'm gonna let them. Even if its a boy. If they want blue hair, I will let them have it.

I will be some mothers' worst nightmare and others' idol. I will be the mom with the strangely dressed kids. The kids that reject McDonald's and white bread. They will be their ownselves, hopefully.

I hope that I can steer them through the path of a dying society of pesticides and psych drugs, of subversive advertising and extreme materialism. I hope that I can be the amazing mother that I am coming to see my mother was and is.

I have blamed her for a lot of my own faults, but I look at it now and even though, sometimes I think she fucked me up, she way more de-fucked me up when I look at the rest of the world and compare. I don't take drugs to numb the effects of life and I don't take what the world's corporations are offering at face value. I look. I evaluate. And I take in what I can observe. Many people can't do that. Or won't.